Wednesday, May 17, 2006

how therapy went

I had some anxiety before my first session with my new therapist yesterday. But I relaxed as the session began. My therapist seems competent and compassionate. She has experience working with adult survivors of child abuse. A friend had tipped me off that we would probably work on a family chart, so I did a genogram before the session. Sure enuf, the therapist asked if she could work up a family chart on me. I said, "Sure, and I've even got one started if you'd like to use it as a start." She did. The hour went by too quickly. My wife and I fly off on a week long trip today. When we return I'll have my next session.

It's been more than a dozen years since I last had therapy. I think these sessions will be more productive that my first ones. I have grown a lot since those first ones. Now I understand better what is going on. In my first sessions I didn't understand what was going on and my therapist didn't want to let me know what was going on. I think he might have been trained in a therapeutic model where the therapist says very little and expects the counselee to come up with things to talk about. I think he did his best, but he said he had never worked with an adult survivor of abuse. However, unlike today, at that time I had no choice in where I got therapy or who was my assigned therapist. It was all required by my employer. Lots of shock. Not pleasant.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Rose said...

I too find writing therapeutic/ I just happen to stumble upon your blog. I'll be back.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Rose said...

I too find writing therapeutic. Please do continue to write. I just happen to stumble upon your blog. I'll be back.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I intend to follow this. I hope you make it a series. I asked the wife of our church's minister for resources, a booklist or something like that, on abusive relationships, and she just shook her head. There is such a thing as too little information.

5:57 PM  
Anonymous Breeya said...

This is not a comment about this post but about a comment you left in sruvivor´s blog. You were wondering if someome had ideas of breaking through the idea it wasn´t your fault.

I did comment on that post in survivor´s blog as well, explainign that something that helped me was reading about other cases, other people.
You yourself said that you see that in your mother´s case is easier to see the blame was on him, and not in anyhing she did.
I went through a ot of reading, most of which was very unsettling, but I had to force myself to do it, and think about it and wonder why i had a different standard for myself than for others.

You said that there was always something you did or said, or that happened to you, that would trigger him.
But that is proably somethign he said, and I guess he thought, and communicate to you in many different ways. That is part of the abuse.

My father was not violent in the physical sense, he neve beat me. So I don´t have a firts hand example here to give, but I have known people, close frineds, whose father were violent, and i remember a few of the reasons a friend told me she was being beating for.
The bread, which was bought in a bakery by someone else, the mun I think, didn´t taste as good as it should.
She brought him water in a glass that was not the one he wanted. (The reason is stupid just by itself, but I feel like adding, the glasse were all pretty much the same)
A light bulb went off as she switched on the ceiling lights.

I remeber talking with her about all this, back then. She didn´t think it was really fair, but still she thought it was down to her to stop everyhting that could set him off.
I think somethhing that reinforces this feelings is that the people around you, in your case your mother, even though they don´t think is right, don´t say anything. They are scared themselves, and they as well try to avoid making him angry. because of their own fear they encourage you, or others in the houseldhod in general, to do the same.


Good luck with the therapy, hope it helps.

I am always wary of men who had been abused, as statistics have shown that they tend to become abusive themselves. I have known a few, and although I don´t think they are abusive (it is hard to tell, as abuse happens in a more intimate enviroment and i have known them as friends only) I think some might become so if they keep not dealing with their issues.

So, I am glad to hear that you are going back into therapy. Though I am sorry to hear that you didn´t get help the first time around. I know it just makes it harder to try again, and even to do progress oneself.
Hope this time works better.
If it doesn´t, remember you are in a position to choose now.

Good luck.

3:08 AM  

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