Sunday, March 04, 2007


I have often found times of calm to be uncomfortable, unsettling. So I have spent much of my life in frenetic activity, including work, to keep calm away. Why? Because when there is quiet and calm, I hear old messages from my father condemning me:
You don't measure up.
You made a mistake.
Someone might not like you because you weren't perfect.
People will remember that you messed up.
There is something wrong with you.
Lately I have been trying to experience the calm, to tolerate it, and, even, to accept and enjoy it. It's not easy, but it's getting a little better. The alternative is worse than the calm. Some people thrive on calm. I'd like to get to that place in life, someday. I know I don't have to be perfect while trying.


Blogger Enola said...

Oh my goodness. This is so ironically what I wrote on my blog tonight too. What is it about calm - being alone with our own thoughts that is so upsetting. I hope you will find your calm - then maybe you can share the secret with me LOL

7:14 PM  
Blogger rindy said...

I can definitely relate...I started journaling to help and now find that blogging both in writing posts and responding to others is a blessing.

You'll never measure up to anyone else's standard...but you are perfect. Perfectly made and I know you will get to the point of knowing that. You are not alone...thank you for sharing..I appreciate your honesty 'cause it helps me too!

6:38 PM  
Blogger butterfly said...

I can relate. Calm seems almost impossible. Even when I am doing something to create the calm... pretend I can touch it for even a moment... like yoga, there's always this urgency constantly buzzing in the background.

I hope you find your calm. You deserve it...

(this is my new blog...)

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Susan said...

Its tough, learning that you are important and that you are worthy of peace only suggestion is to remember to breathe.

12:22 AM  
Anonymous Joan said...

Find a little space to sit down, breathe in and out ever so slowly and calm and peace of mind will come. It's magic...

2:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes in college, I want to hide, run from all the muscle heads and partying and be alone to breathe on my own:)

2:24 AM  

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